I came across the mention of a ’30 day creativity challenge’ on Instagram, and when I googled it, I found Leah’s Creative Every Day 2016 blog and decided that joining the challenge would be one of the best ways to start the new year. I have decided to adopt Leah’s suggestion of ‘Art as Healing’ for January, and perhaps you’ll be inspired to join in also.
Last night, I found myself in a deep discussion with my mother about my life and life choices. Afterwards, I only felt despair – my emotions and thoughts welling up inside. It was only through an outpour of writing that I could find a calmness and resolution. Writing is how I explore feelings and uncertainty. It’s not a poem, it’s not a story – it is an outpour.
‘I walk on a double-edged sword,
each side a different world.
I am struggling, and in an attempt to seek solace
I am met with harsh words that cut and tear at my heart.
I know you speak from a place of love,
that your words only seek to trim me,
but I only end up in tears.
I must choose,
and yet I continue to refuse to do so,
instead trapezing between between both worlds.
You are right, I had strayed away from our culture,
while precariously trying to fit into your box of acceptance.
But I can’t. I don’t fit.
Is that it then? To make the scariest choice of all, and not to choose my family?
I’ve been playing the fool all this time.
It is time to be brave.
Break the cycle.
It is time to grow up.’